Why Change Feels So Hard: The Story Behind Brain-Powered Weight Loss

Rewriting the Narrative: Trauma, Weight, and the Science of Real Change with Eliza Kingsford

For so many people, the struggle with food, weight, and habits isn’t a lack of knowledge. You know what to do. You’ve read the books. You’ve tried the plans. And yet, real, lasting change still feels frustratingly out of reach.

This is the question that has shaped my entire career:

Why is change so hard even when we truly want it?

In this article, I want to take you behind the scenes of how that question formed, why traditional approaches often fall short, and how understanding the nervous system became the missing link in sustainable change.

From Trauma to Body Struggles: Where It All Began

My early life was marked by experiences that my nervous system didn’t know how to process at the time. Like many people, I didn’t have language for what I was feeling—but my body did.

My relationship with my body became the canvas for unresolved emotions. While I never met the criteria for a formal eating disorder, food and body image took up an enormous amount of mental space. That preoccupation with food is something I now see mirrored in so many of the people I work with.

At the same time, I was deeply fascinated by human behavior. Why do people do what they do? Why do intelligent, capable people repeat patterns that hurt them?

That curiosity led me to psychology, and to becoming a licensed psychotherapist.

Becoming a Therapist and Seeing the Cracks

Graduate school and clinical training taught me many valuable tools, but the real education came from thousands of hours with clients and supervisors. I worked in eating disorder treatment settings, intensive outpatient programs, and later in weight-focused interventions for children, teens, and families.

Here’s what I consistently observed:

• People made progress in structured environments.
• Insight alone didn’t lead to sustained change.
• Motivation wasn’t the problem.

Whether it was a therapy office or a treatment program, people would feel empowered in session, only to struggle again once they returned to real life.

And I couldn’t ignore the pattern.

The False Divide in the Weight & Health World

Early in my career, I found myself caught in a rigid professional divide:

• On one side: strict diets, control, and shame.
• On the other: Health at Every Size and intuitive eating philosophies that rejected intentional weight loss altogether.

I didn’t fully belong in either camp.

I believed people deserved help separating their weight from their worth and support in pursuing health goals—if that’s what they wanted.

That middle ground was controversial. I faced professional pushback, lost speaking opportunities, and was told—explicitly—that there was no room for nuance.

But my intuition told me something important:

If our models don’t reflect real human experience, they will always fall short.

Leadership, Failure, and Clinical Integrity

Over time, I moved into leadership roles, eventually becoming CEO of a large behavioral health organization. We served thousands of families, trained clinicians, and built programs rooted in compassion and psychological care.

And then, everything collapsed. Twice.

Two major business closures taught me profound lessons about integrity, resilience, and values. In moments where cutting corners would have been easier, I chose clinical excellence. Even when it cost me financially, emotionally, and professionally. Those experiences reshaped how I define success and failure.

The Question That Wouldn’t Go Away

Across therapy rooms, treatment centers, and my own personal work, one question kept surfacing:

Why do people who want to change still revert to old patterns?

Why does insight disappear under stress?
Why does motivation collapse in familiar environments?
Why does willpower fail when it matters most?

The answer wasn’t effort.
It wasn’t discipline.
It wasn’t a better plan.

Discovering the Nervous System’s Role in Change

When I began studying nervous system regulation, everything clicked.

For the first time, I could see why:

• Skills don’t transfer under stress.
• Good intentions vanish in dysregulated states.
• Change collapses when the body doesn’t feel safe.

The nervous system isn’t just involved in change, it drives it. This work didn’t replace traditional therapy models. It became the foundation underneath them. It explained the missing 20% that had always eluded even the best interventions.

Why Knowing Better Isn’t Enough

When your nervous system is overwhelmed, your brain prioritizes survival, not long-term goals. That’s why you can fully understand what you “should” do and still feel unable to do it.

This isn’t a personal failure. It’s physiology.

And once people understand this, something powerful happens: They stop blaming themselves. They stop believing they’re broken. They finally have access to real tools for change.

From Private Practice to Teaching at Scale

As I began integrating nervous system work into my private practice, the same foundational conversations kept repeating.

That’s when I realized: People don’t need more rules. They need a new framework.

So I built a program designed to teach the foundations of how change actually works, so people could apply it to any struggle: food, weight, habits, identity, or emotional patterns.

The Heart of My Work Today

At its core, my work is still driven by the same curiosity: Why do people stay stuck?
And how do we help them change, without shame?

When we understand the interaction between the nervous system, the brain, and behavior, change stops feeling mysterious or moral.

It becomes learnable.
It becomes compassionate.
And most importantly, it becomes sustainable.

If You’re Struggling, This Matters

If you’ve ever thought:

• “Why can’t I just do what I know I should?”
• “Why do I keep repeating this pattern?”
• “What’s wrong with me?”

Please hear this: You are not broken.

You may simply be working with a model of change that was never designed for how humans actually function. And that can change. 

If you want to go deeper into this work, explore resources that focus on nervous system regulation, identity, and brain-based behavior change. Sustainable transformation starts by understanding how you’re wired, not by fighting yourself.

Listen to the audio version on the Brain Powered Weight Loss Podcast

Ready to Go Deeper?

If this article resonated, it’s likely because you’ve been trying to change from the top down—with logic, willpower, and plans, while your nervous system has been running the show underneath it all.

You don’t need more discipline. You need a framework that works with your biology, not against it.

Option 1: Start With the Free Workshop

Master Your Weight Loss: Why It’s Not About Willpower is a free, on-demand workshop where I break down:

• Why your nervous system is the gatekeeper of change
• The hidden reason diets and behavior plans keep failing
• How to stop blaming yourself and start creating real momentum

If you’ve ever thought, “I know what to do… why can’t I do it?” — this will finally make it make sense.

👉 Watch the free workshop and learn why change feels so hard and what actually works.

Option 2: Go All In With The Shift

If you’re ready for deeper, lasting transformation, The Shift is my signature program designed to help you rewire patterns at the nervous system and identity level.

Inside The Shift, you’ll learn how to:

• Regulate your nervous system so change actually sticks
• Quiet food noise and emotional eating at the root
• Build a new relationship with food, your body, and yourself—without shame

This isn’t another plan to follow. It’s a new way of understanding yourself.

👉 Learn more about The Shift and start changing in a way that finally feels sustainable.